I used to believe
In Santa Claus, but
I found my parents’ stash
At the usual age
Between ten and twelve

My faith in God died
Not long after

But I have since been replenished
With someone or something
New to believe in
Not just believe in
But devote my whole life to

And Her name is The Raisin Queen

Every so often
The stars align in a particular way
And the Raisin Queen visits me in my sleep
When I wake up, there is a trail of raisins
Leading to some unbeknownst treasure
Off in the distance

I follow the trail
And with every raisin I gather
I get one step closer
To the power and the glory
That is the Raisin Queen

I have followed a few trails by now
And The Raisin Queen has given my life a whole new meaning
Her treasure far surpassing that of Santa or God

I love The Raisin Queen more than anything else in the world
And she loves me in return
She must
For how can someone devoted such as I
Be denied the raisins I so surely deserve?

I love The Raisin Queen,
And I will kill for her
I will kill myself for her
And anyone who stands between us
For she is the power and the glory
Forever and ever
Amen